• A Little for Everything

Am I in conflict?

Updated: Oct 25, 2019

By: Yocasta Grassals

A couple of days ago one of my colleagues expressed to me how difficult it is for her in her work environment: “I wish everything could be good…to be able to get along with everyone”, she said to me invisible sorrow.

The “everything could be good”, the “be able to get along with everyone”, in reality, is just a utopia. There will always be things that won’t meet our expectations. People that don’t do what we hope for, friends that react in a way we never thought they would, etc. In other hands, we ourselves don’t meet everyone else’s expectations at times.

A conflict is created precisely when there is a “difference in opinion or point of view” revolving on something. When the definition is so simple, we can all say that “we are in conflict” the majority of the time due to our particularities, each person handles their own likes and opinions in different ways. The question is: What to do when this happens?

The next time that a difference occurs and you are in conflict, here are some elements to consider and that you can use:

1. Every discussion has at least three points of view, yours, the other persons, and the third point of view. Neither one truth is absolute, that’s why it is important to open up to the possibility that you might be wrong and that the other person is right.

2. If you understand that you are wrong, it is wise to recognize and ask for forgiveness if necessary. Nothing is more valuable than for us to recognize our wrongs and accept them.

3. You should maintain your emotions under control; otherwise you can say or do things that later on you will regret. You shouldn’t speak or make any decisions while being under intense emotions. During a moment of intense emotion (negative or positive), you have the tendency to let your emotions guide you and this can have negative results.

4. You can show anger or disagreement, and be honest in saying how you feel but doing so in a balanced way is a big help. If you feel as though your losing control, you can say: “I prefer we talk about it later”… and leaving the place right after can work. Another way that personally helps me is to say: “I am not ready to discuss this situation, we will talk when am ready”.

5. Wait until you are calm to talk. It is important that you keep in mind that the relationship is more important than a discussion. At all times give more relevance to the person than to the opinions. If anyone tries to force you to give an opinion or judgment, and you feel like you can’t or shouldn’t; you can always say: “At this time I can’t talk or make a decision about the subject”, usually it’s a valid response.

6. Look for the positive side in all situations, even in the most complicated and painful situations it is possible. This is an exercise that allows you to discipline and recognize in the adversities the element of positive learning.

7. Treat every person that you interact with as they truly are: a unique special human being. Every person, as difficult as they may seem to have a positive side and you should recognize and respect their dignity as a human being.

8. Don’t say or do anything that might hurt another person, remember that in the Proverb it says “everything you do will be returned to you”. If you can deal with others, then they too will be patient with you and deal with the not so pleasant aspects of your personality.

9. I would like to think that God created us with two ears and only one mouth so that we can realize how much more important it is to listen than to speak. Ask questions, this will help you obtain more information and make fewer justifications.

10. A conflict that is well handled can be a useful tool to strengthen any relationship and allows you to learn new elements. If you find yourself in a situation where there is a difference in opinion or conflict and you feel it’s difficult to handle, you can seek professional help so you can overcome these areas of weakness.

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